The online dating safety checklist (print it, use it every time)

Safety advice usually comes in one of two flavours: frightening or patronising. This checklist is neither. Otterly members are adults; most people on the app are exactly who they say they are; and a few sensible habits make the rest of them irrelevant. Use the list every time, including with people you are sure about. Especially with people you are sure about.

Before you match: protecting your identity

• Use photos that do not appear elsewhere. A reverse image search of your LinkedIn headshot finds your employer in three seconds. Take fresh photos for your dating profile.
• Keep identifying details off the profile. Company name, apartment complex, children's school, car number plates in photos. Otterly already shows only two letters of your name; keep the rest yours.
• Use the privacy tools if you want them. Hide from contacts, blur photos, or go Incognito (Premium) so only people you request can see you. They exist for exactly this.
• Get verified, and prefer verified people. The blue tick means a human matched a live selfie to the profile photos. It is not a guarantee, but it removes most fakes.

While chatting: the scam-proof rules

Romance scams cost people worldwide billions every year, and the victims are overwhelmingly intelligent, kind adults over 35 — the exact people who are most trusting and most lonely. The playbook barely changes, which means you can recognise it.

The rules, which have no exceptions:

1. Never send money. Not a loan, not a “customs fee”, not a hospital bill, not a plane ticket, not a gift card code, not crypto, not an “investment opportunity”. A person who loves you does not ask you for money before meeting you. Ever.
2. Never share financial details. Bank account, card, OTP, ID documents, PAN, Aadhaar, passport. No legitimate reason exists.
3. Never move off the app before meeting. WhatsApp, Telegram, Signal — scammers push for this because it takes them off the moderated platform. Otterly's chat, audio and video calls are there so you do not have to.
4. Never install anything they suggest. Apps, “trading platforms”, screen-share tools. Ever.

The warning signs, any two of which mean stop:

• Love bombing: “I have never felt like this” within days; “my queen”, “my king”; talk of marriage before a call.
• Cannot video-call. Ever. Camera broken, bad network, “shy”. Every time.
• A job that explains absence: oil rig, ship, military deployment, doctor abroad, UN contractor.
• Too perfect photos with a slightly generic profile. Reverse-image-search them.
• A sudden emergency that only money can fix — and it always comes after the emotional bond.
• Inconsistencies: different ages, cities, kids across conversations.
• Pressure and urgency. Real people can wait a day.

If you recognise this pattern, do not argue and do not try to “catch them out”. Stop replying, block, and tap Report so Otterly's moderators can remove them and protect the next person.

Before you meet: the video call

A ten-minute video call is the single most effective safety step, and it doubles as the best awkwardness-reducer for the actual date. Use Otterly's in-app video so no numbers change hands. If they refuse — repeatedly, with excuses — that is your answer.

The first meeting: the checklist

Print this or screenshot it. Run through it every time.

• Public place, busy, daytime or early evening. Café, restaurant, park with people, museum. Not their home, not yours, not a car.
• You choose or approve the venue. Somewhere you know how to get in and out of.
• Arrive and leave independently. Your own transport both ways. No pick-ups, no lifts, however kind the offer.
• Tell a friend. Name (and screenshot of the profile), place, time, when you expect to be done. Agree a check-in message. Share your live location if that is your habit.
• Keep your phone charged and on you. Not in a bag on the back of a chair.
• Watch your drink. Order it yourself, keep it with you, leave it if you lose sight of it.
• Stay sober enough to decide. One drink, if any, on a first meeting.
• Keep the first date short. 60–90 minutes. Extend it if you want; you are not obliged to.
• Do not go to a second location you did not plan. “Let's go back to mine for a coffee” is a no on a first date, however lovely the first hour was.

If something feels wrong

Your gut is a pattern-matching machine trained on your whole life. If it says something is off — a comment, a look, a pushiness, a story that does not add up — it does not need to justify itself.

• Leave. Say you need to go; do not explain further. Ask staff for help if you need it — most restaurants and cafés will help without question.
• Call your check-in person as you leave.
• Get home independently. Do not accept a lift, even to “make up for it”.
• Report in the app. Otterly's team reads every report. Persistent pressure, misrepresentation, harassment and unsafe behaviour are grounds for permanent removal.
• If you were harmed or threatened, contact the police. Otterly cooperates with law enforcement.

For women specifically

You already know most of this. Two additions from members:

• It is normal, and wise, to insist on the video call and the public place even when he seems lovely. Lovely men will not mind. The ones who mind have told you something.
• “I am not comfortable with that” is a complete sentence. You do not owe politeness to someone testing your boundaries.

For men specifically

• A woman who wants to meet in public, arrive separately and keep the date short is not being cold. She is being sensible, and you should make it easy for her. Suggest the public place yourself.
• You are also a target for scams — often “investment” schemes and sextortion. The rules above apply to you exactly as written.

After you have met

Once you have met in person and feel comfortable, it is fine to share numbers, move to other platforms and plan private dates. The rules relax gradually, on your terms, as trust is earned. Safety is not about suspicion; it is about pacing. The right person will match your pace.

Read more at the Otterly Safety Centre, and see the first date guide for the non-safety half of the meeting.

Frequently asked questions

Meet people who date to marry.Otterly is free on iPhone and Android.